


Alone in a Minefield With You

by TheKnowingQueen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei is trying his best, Yamaguchi Tadashi doubts himself too much, a loveable asshole, but he's still an asshole, therefore i am sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKnowingQueen/pseuds/TheKnowingQueen
Summary: Yamaguchi was a boy filled to the brim with doubts. That was blatantly apparent to anyone who took the time to see him. Most people didn't, and he was perfectly fine with that. It was what he was used to; blending safely into the background so that no one was aware he existed.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 149





	Alone in a Minefield With You

**Author's Note:**

> I finished what we have of season 4 and tbh I don't know what to do with myself---- COVID can catch these hands for delaying it like this. the fucking audacity istg

"Tsukishima," Yamaguchi said firmly, trying his best to sound strong, yet, on the very last syllable, his throat clenched up tight, wavering precariously. The last thing he wanted to do was start crying like a damn wimp, why couldn't he just be _strong_ , but he felt his nose start to tingle and a burn rising up his cheeks.

He had been lagging behind ever since they had left the team room. Tsukishima hadn't thought anything of it; Yamaguchi was never in one spot. Sometimes he'd be skipping ahead, turning back every now and then to shoot Tsukishima that blinding bright smile. He wasn't particularly religious, but he was certain some God had to have handcrafted that smile. Other times Yamaguchi would stick right by his side, either rambling on happily, or letting them walk in their comfortable silence. And some days he would purposefully slow down, keeping himself a good few meters back. 

So nothing had seemed out of place until Tsukishima heard the slight falter of Yamaguchi's voice. He stopped, readjusted the strap of his bag with a tired sigh, and turned around.

Yamaguchi was a boy filled to the brim with doubts. That was blatantly apparent to anyone who took the time to see him. Most people didn't, and he was perfectly fine with that. It was what he was used to; blending safely into the background so that no one was aware he existed.

Ever since he was a kid getting to know someone, opening up to them, trusting them, wasn't something he knew how to do. Trying to make friends had always felt like being stuck in a minefield, tiptoeing around in hopes that he didn't set off a bomb and kill the relationship entirely. However, he learned early on that he wasn't very good at tiptoeing, so he opted to stay still. Staying still meant being alone, but at least he couldn't get hurt. If he didn't move then he could pretend the minefield wasn't surrounding him, terrifyingly huge and so, _so_ scary. Since then he had stood alone, melding to his spot and beginning to grow roots down into the soil, anchoring him there for the rest of eternity.

But then someone had stepped _towards him_. He hadn't had to move, because someone had chosen to come _to him_. Tsukishima Kei in all of his lanky stubborn glory, glasses and blond hair and social skills almost as shitty as his own. That had never happened before, and, scared that it never would again, Yamaguchi had intertwined his roots with Tsukishima's instantly. 

He had doubted it many times over the years. How he had forced himself into Tsukishima's little bubble, so overwhelmingly lost and desperate for someone, anyone. Maybe Tsukishima didn't even _want_ him there, but pitied him enough to let him stay. That wouldn't surprise him at all. That might even feel more natural, more correct if Tsukishima told him to go away. And he would, because that's what he expected, waiting years and years for his one and only friend to finally get sick of him. He was an extra in everyone else's lives, so why would someone suddenly want to turn him into a main character? And for _this long_?

Yes, he had doubted it many, many times. But never as much as he did this day.

"What?" Tsukishima asked in that unamused, monotone voice of his as if he was only speaking because he was obligated to. Yamaguchi blinked.

Tsukishima was completely and utterly confused, having watched Yamaguchi stare straight through him for far too long. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something was wrong. It was plain and simple, the very way Yamaguchi had blinked seemed wrong, unfitting and incongruous. He tried to smile, and Tsukishima knew he was going to try and play it all off, but the corners of his mouth quivered.

Unlike himself, Yamaguchi could get worked up over any number of things; volleyball, the stars, even commercials if they were sad enough. Tsukishima wondered which one of them it was this time. He wasn't adept with comforting others, never had been and most likely never will be, but he had a cache of perfectly crafted responses for each sad Yamaguchi situation that presented itself.

"Are you going to say it?" Not a kind request, but then again, Tsukishima did not consider himself kind. The sun had set, but even in the dim town lights he could tell that Yamaguchi was tearing up.

Yamaguchi didn't know where to start, how to put it into words, but he knew that he needed to say _it_. He was going to leave Tsukishima's bubble before he was eventually pushed out. It would hurt more to hear Tsukishima tell him to leave. Yamaguchi was going to return to the field by himself, plant his roots back under, and that's where he would stay. Safe, comfortable, _lonely._

"I, uh," he cleared his throat, "I think that we should stop hanging out."

Tsukishima did not have a perfectly crafted response for that. Contrary to popular belief, he did feel emotions, and that stung a little bit. He was preparing himself to ask _And why is that?_ , but Yamaguchi kept spitting out more and more words.

"You should- I think you should make other friends, yeah?" he tried that same smile back on, and, just as before, it didn't fit. "I know that I," he sniffed, a telltale sign that he was crying, "- that I follow you around all the time, and that's... probably really annoying. And maybe- maybe other friends wouldn't do that? I think- well, I think you shouldn't- uh- keep me around like you do. I mean, it's really nice!" 

By this point Tsukishima was watching a train wreck; Yamaguchi blubbering over his chopped up sentences with snot and tears all over his freckled face. 

"It is! It's really nice, Tsukishima, but- but you never tell me to go away. And- I think you _should._ Because I'm kind of- I don't know... Saiki said I'm pathetic and that it makes you look pathetic too. And you're not! You're- you're so cool and awesome and I just- I make you look pathetic."

Passing by their table during lunch that day, Saiki, another first year, and his friends had called out to him. He hadn't talked to them before, and he simply thought they might need some homework help. But when he went over their intentions were not that passive. Instead, they poked fun at him, saying that he followed Tsukishima around like a lost dog. They said that he looked pathetic trailing after him everyday, that it was obvious Yamaguchi was desperately trying to make himself mean something to someone. 

Normally Yamaguchi would ignore taunts or jeers flung his way, try and fail to forget them. But it seemed as if Saiki's group had cut him open, spilling his biggest doubts out on the floor. Hearing them say the exact same thing that he had chewed over for _years_ made it feel too real, cementing the fact that everyone else saw it too. He wasn't just paranoid, _they all saw it too_.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath, attempting to collect himself and force the tears to subside. "I just- I'm sorry if I smother you. I never had a friend before you and I don't know what else to do and you've always been nice to me and I'm really thankful for that but I-"

"Shut up, Tadashi."

Yamaguchi was acting like a damn idiot and Tsukishima physically could not listen to him ramble anymore. Honestly, what kind of idiot thought up that kind of bullshit? What kind of idiot listened to _Saiki_? Of course Yamaguchi would, because he was clearly a goddamn idiot.

He pivoted, anger simmering in the pit of his stomach, and continued on their walk. When he didn't hear Yamaguchi's footsteps behind him, he stopped, the simmer beginning to boil. In that moment he thought he might run back and strangle Yamaguchi for being such a big, stupid idiot.

On the other hand, Yamaguchi was paralyzed. He'd said it. Part of him was proud that he had actually managed to say it, but the other part was so terrified that he was shaking. 

"Didn't you say you wanted pork buns?" Tsukishima asked, refusing to face Yamaguchi, "What are you waiting for? A horse-drawn carriage? Let's go." 

His tone was as flat as ever, but Yamaguchi could sense the disappointment tangled thick in the typical Tsukishima Kei snark. 

Letting Tsukishima lead the way so he could diligently study the way his hair moved in the breeze, Yamaguchi couldn't help but feel guilty. Not for what he had said, because he meant it, but for the way Tsukishima had reacted. It had been a punch to the gut, knocking the wind from his lungs and leaving him dizzy. He couldn't pinpoint what he had expected, but that had not been it.

They went into Sakanoshita, bought two pork buns and a soda to share, then sat themselves on the street curb in silence. Tsukishima ate, turning a song on from his MP3 player and punching buttons on his phone. Yamaguchi took tiny bites, gazing up at the stars peeking through the night's cloud cover. Just like usual.

When they both had finished, Yamaguchi took the first sip of their drink, peeled off the label to fidget with, then held it out for Tsukishima. He took it, gulped more than half the bottle, and set it back on the curb between them. Just like usual.

Yamaguchi tugged the foil label into a bow and looped it around Tsukishima's bag strap. Tsukishima huffed out, "They're still ugly," but the left corner of his mouth quirked up nonetheless. Just like usual.

Yamaguchi wanted to apologize, for whatever hurt he was certain he'd caused. Tsukishima wanted to explain how he thought Yamaguchi was a stupid idiot. But the normalcy felt so good that neither could speak their thoughts into existence.

The moment Yamaguchi's mouth opened, cracking under the guilt, Tsukishima had cut him off, "I swear, if you apologize then I'll wring your neck." Yamaguchi's mouth closed at that.

Tsukishima wanted Yamaguchi to know how _wrong_ he was. About every single thing he had said. How Tsukishima only went forward because he knew Yamaguchi would always be behind him. He didn't care how pathetic they may look, that didn't matter. What mattered was that Yamaguchi and his God-given smile would always _be there_. At school, on the court, walking home. If Yamaguchi wasn't there then the sun wouldn't shine and the world wouldn't spin and there would be _nothing left_.

How did he say that? What did it even mean?

Per usual, he did not know. And, instead of overthinking it, he leaned over the soda bottle that separated their two squares of sidewalk and kissed him. Short and sweet and extremely awkward.

When Tsukishima pulled away, Yamaguchi's eyes were wider than the moon that hung above, staring dumbfoundedly. 

"So, you don't think I'm..." Yamaguchi whispered, trailing off. _You don't think I'm a nuisance_. 

"Well, I think you're an idiot," Tsukishima said, dead serious.

Yamaguchi smiled that heavenly smile and kissed Tsukishima again.

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao it fizzled out at the end. I apologize. This is my first oneshot, so like, tell me if it sucks. I just wanted to write my cute boys. I also wrote this whole thing in one go. I edited some, but it still might be a flaming pile of dogshit that my exhausted mind cant realize. :')


End file.
